11: Guilt, Confrontations, & Prom
As much as I burned for there to be an us, my mind always jerked back to Jinsu. I loved him, I really did but whenever Chris came around I felt…different. Like a new girl. I usually didn’t like change but being a different girl seemed like a nice thought.
Jinsu had given me some of the best years of my life. Did I really wanna give those years up cus of Chris?
No, I didnt.
Jinsu was my everything and this whole arrangement wasnt fair to him. Jin has been getting played. Ever since me and Chris’ first kiss. Jinsu was my boyfriend, not Chris. I had to wake up and realize that. The sooner I did, the better.
But Chris was so…
I couldn’t even describe it.
I loved being with him. His whole presence was such a rush for me. His smile, his touch…I even found his matted looking, surprisingly soft curls a blessing.
But did I love him like I did Jinsu. Chris opened my eyes to some interesting things but did I wanna die for him? Would I get up every morning and make him breakfast? Was he marriage material?
Jin was. Most definitely. I’d die for him. I’d get up in the morning to make him breakfast.
Maybe my little fling with Chris was just butterflies I haven’t felt in a while with Jinsu. Maybe Chris was my teenage release of hormones and confused, mixed feelings and emotions. Maybe Chris was just…a crush?
“Chris,” I started. He closed his eyes and felt my breath on his face.
I sighed, knowing I was about to break his heart.
But I couldn’t.
I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks already.
After swallowing, I exhaled. “Nothing,” I said.
“Yes. Absolutely nothing.”
He took my naked body into his arms to cuddle and I couldn’t help but hold back tears of guilt. I made sure this time he couldn’t hear me.
When I looked to my right this morning, I expected there to be an empty space with messy sheets. I expected there to be a note saying he had to run off to practice.
My heart stopped mid-beat when I saw him there, eyes on me and an adoring smile on his face.
“‘Morning,” he greeted.
I arched my eyebrows in confusion. “Shouldn’t you be at practice?”
He nodded but still made no attempt to get dressed. Why would he stay?
“You stayed,” I announced. He nodded again.
He shrugged. “Cus I’d much rather be here with the beautiful Gia Hernandez than running around a field with a bunch of hormonal, sweaty football players.”
I chuckled. “I don’t wanna get you in trouble.”
He shrugged again. “Each player on the team is allowed to miss two practices. I’m fine.”
I smiled at the thought of Chris missing a practice on purpose just to hang out with me. I loved the thought actually but I had to go to the practice anyway.
“Well, the thought was nice but you still gotta go,” I told him as I climbed out of bed.
“Why?” he asked.
I picked up my clothes and threw them in the hamper. “I maybe fucking you, but I still have a boyfriend.” I informed him.
He rolled his eyes. “Just skip this practice. He won’t mind,” he was whining now. He didn’t even move from his place on my bed.
“I promised him I’d come to every practice. That’s what girlfriends do.”
He pouted for a minute ‘till I gathered all my stuff to take a shower.
“Why are you with him?” he asked nastily. I stopped and gave him a deadly look. He sat back a little and rolled his eyes in envy.
“Dont go there. Not today, Chris,” I warned him as I began to throw him his clothes from off my carpet.
“If not today then when?”
“I dont know. Just…not now,” I wished he would just drop the subject. I don’t know why I wanted to be with Jinsu. I just did. I loved him.
“Gia, I-” he started and his voice was softer.
“Drop it,” I said viciously.
He tried to speak again. “G, it’s just that-“
“Shut up.” I groaned in the back of my throat and it almost sounded like a growl. He was quiet after that. I apologized and told him to get ready for practice. He did so reluctantly and we drove to school with an awkward silence between us.
Chris and I were the talk of practice. We showed up, hand in hand but I quickly snatched my hand back before Jinsu or Karrueche could sight us.
I waved to Chris before I ran up behind Jinsu, who was drinking Gatorade on the bleachers. He looked sullen and bored. I giggled lightly to myself as I put my hands over his eyes. He froze and then he began grinning from ear to ear.
“Sweet Pea hand lotion…” he sniffed my hands. “Gia?” he mused. I plopped myself into his lap and he kissed my cheek.
“Hey, G.” he purred into my neck.
“How’s practice going?” I asked.
“Better since you’ve arrived.”
I mock-rolled my eyes at his cliche’ and he only grinned and kissed my cheek again. His eyes shot to Chris who was heading over to the field with his helmet in hand and jersey on Karrueche. I grimaced a little.
“What we’re you doing with him?” he asked grimly. Jinsu was hot when he was jealous.
“I just carpooled with him,” I said innocently. I also sucked his dick but ya know that’s just details.
He eyed him suspiciously then me. “Carpool,” he repeated. “That’s it?”
I leaned down and my lips tingled and buzzed as they met his. He tasted my cherry lip gloss and smirked.
“Cherry-” he nuzzled my nose. I kissed him again and he squeezed my side. “You’re so sexy.” he nuzzled my neck again.
“Hey, Lopez! Get in the game!” Chris yelled furiously and Jinsu smirked. He kissed my face again and I arose from atop him. I sat on the bench where he sat and I eyed Chris evilly as the team did another play. He shrugged with a smug smile on his face. I rolled my eyes.
After about fifteen minutes, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned and Karrueche was there, wearing Chris’ jersey with Bermuda shorts.
“Hey,” she said cheerfully. She sat neatly beside me and up close her glittery eye makeup was fading.
“Hi.” I said simply.
“So, you been hanging with Chris alot?” she asked nonchalantly.
“Hmm nice.” The wind picked up but our conversation didn’t. I felt like a nasty, little whore sitting next to her. I had great amounts of sympathy towards her too. She was being played as well as Jin. By me, Chris, and her mother. If she only knew. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hug her.
“You guys close?”
Nod. “Uh huh.”
“Really? That’s nice.”
After a few more minutes of just silence and watching our boys practice, I was growing kind of uncomfortable with her sitting next to me. Just last night her boyfriend was balls deep in me!
I opened my mouth to ask what she wanted but she got up and stood in front of me, blocking my view.
“Im glad that you and Chris are such close friends, but that’s gonna hafta change.”
The heat left my body and every thought I’d ever had about Kae disappeared. She stood before me, hands on her hips and whatever she said next determined whether I was a member of her pity party anymore.
“Excuse me?” I asked her politely.
“Did I stutter?” she asked and rolled her brown eyes. She flipped her long, bronze curls behind her shoulder and I wanted to snatch it up and rip it from her scalp.
“I like you, OK? Youre a sweet girl, really. I just dont want you around my boyfriend. It’s not a jealousy thing. I just…dont want him around you.”
“Why?” I questioned. It’s not like he likes her anyway.
“Well, I know he has some commitment issues in the past-“
Past being last night.
“-but he’s grown up. I know he wont give into temptation but-“
Then why is he banging me and not you?
“-he loves me. I know he does-“
That’s funny cus last time I checked he told me, not you, he loves me.
“So, if you could, I’d really appreciate it if you just avoided him. We’re gonna get married and have a family and…you dont fit into all that. Ok?”
I rolled my eyes at her little fantasy. She was just a ditz lost in the clouds, a virgin with her heart on her sleeve.
“We’re just friends.” I insisted.
She kinda giggled to herself and put a lock of hair behind her ear. I wonder how many hair flips she’d do before I ripped every strand from their roots.
“Monica and Chandler were just friends but they got married! And had babies!” she was smirking like crazy and I wanted to slap her for her stupid Friends reference. She continued. “Anyway, how do I know that for sure? Just friends? Sounds pretty raunchy to me, Gia.”
We stared each other down. I looked into her brown eyes and she looked into my darker brown ones. She was first to speak.
“Anyway, I dont hang around Jinsu like you do Chris. So I think it’s only fair that you back off of Chris.” she finished.
I stared up as her as if she were stupid. She was in a way. Young, dumb and completely blissful. Being too angry, I couldn’t even respond. She waited but I still continued to stare. Why should I hafta answer to her? She was just Karrueche.
She rolled her eyes and walked away. “Freak,” I heard her whisper under her breath.
“Bitch,” I whispered back.
Practice ended shortly afterwards and Jinsu took me in his arms and kissed me. “Want me to take you home? Or you wanna go someplace private?” He purred into my ear and I giggled.
Chris was close by and he eyed me with wondering eyes. Karrueche was speaking to him but he wasn’t even listening. I smirked and turned to Jin.
“I’m just gonna kick it at home, ok?” I pouted and bit his bottom lip. He took my lips into his mouth viciously and moaned. His hands roamed to my ass and I clawed at his back.
“Slut,” Karrueche mixed with a cough as she walked by, limply holding onto Chris’ huge hand. I locked eyes with Chris as I looked at the sad couple walking towards his car. He winked at me and I found a smile. I wasn’t as mad as I was before, especially since Jin was here to bring me back to reality.
Little Karrueche Tran better watch where she walks. She comes near me again and I’ll see to it that her and Chris never talk again.
3 weeks later
It was the nearing the end of May and everybody had prom fever. I was more into applying to every college in the state. And the sad part is I wasn’t exaggerating. While every girl went out to buy dresses and shoes, I was at home cramming hard for finals. I was perfectly happy with keeping my head in the books. I know prom is supposed to be the one night a year where a girl can express her true side. A side full of love, hate, beauty, angst, and maybe even lust. A side where you glow in your prettiest dress and finest makeup and prettiest hair and sweetest scents.
I preferred staying outside of all the glitz and the glam. Prom in my opinion was just another way of society to embarrass young girls with low self esteem and bad body perception. Young girls who have hearts floating around the dance floor. It was torture.
“Hey,” he bit his bottom lip seductively and poked my feet with his pink highlighter. I smiled and nudged him with my toe.
Even after three weeks, Chris and I couldn’t find it in each other to stop cheating. We hadn’t had sex since but we still kiss, and hold hands, and cuddle like we were a couple. I had denied Karrueche’s wishes of staying away from him. I couldn’t. How could I? He was an addiction.
I couldnt help it but I wanted Jinsu, too. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, love him and maybe one day marry him.
Until then, I wanted Chris. Always. Maybe forever?
“Hey, will you go to prom with me?” he asked out of the blue. He looked at me with questioning eyes and it caught me off guard. I wouldn’t go even if Jinsu asked me.
“No,” I answered him in a bored voice. He smiled and leaned forward. His lips met my ear and he nibbled. His tongue caressed my jaw and neck. It tickled sort of but I held my composure as he tinkered with the nerves and senses around my body.
“Please?” he whispered. I wanted to say yes and go with him just to piss Karrueche off. I would’ve if I didn’t have Jinsu who was likely to ask me to prom as well.
“No.” I repeated with a smile as he kissed lower to my collar bone.
“Why?” he asked between kisses.
“Cus I have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend. Dontcha think it’s a red flag if we go together? Then everyone knows our little secret.” I teased him with a moan.
He groaned aloud and tugged my hair. My spine tingled and I let out a small squeak of pleasure as he kissed my neck again.
“Oh, they probably already know anyway.” he kid. I found that kinda funny.
“Please, Gia? Prom is a week away. Be my date please?” He was using a begging voice. I’ve never had a boy in such a happy mood for me. He continued to kiss my neck and collarbone and I was adoring the attention. He began to reach for my top and I only laughed.
“You gonna fuck me into going with you?” I wondered.
“I prefer the word ‘seduce’ but ‘fuck’ is good, too,” he moaned into my ear and I was ready to give in right then.
I climbed out of his lap and a poked him with a highlighter. “Work now, play later.”
He pouted but I pushed him back on my bed. He lay there, looking up at me with wide eyes but a smug smile. I placed myself atop of him and my hand crept into his shirt. I felt his muscles and shivered from excitement.
His own hands crept down my jeans and he squeezed my ass. I kissed his cheek and thanked God that there were no flies on the wall.
I rummaged through my locker trying to find the sweatshirt I left in here yesterday.
After throwing it over my shoulder, I looked into the mirror I had hung in the door. My eyes dropped a little and there were kinda dark circles under them. I whipped out my makeup bag and searched for my concealer and eye liner. I smeared it on with one finger and did my best to cover the dark circles. After doing the best I could with the concealer, I lightly applied the eye liner. It smudged a little but I ignored it. I shut my locker and when I turned, the hallway was empty.
Who knew as to why I was so tired? Maybe from last night?
Chris and I didn’t do anything last night. We just kinda held each other ‘till the sun came up. Chris never actually entered me.
We stayed up all night talking and I fell asleep with prom on my mind. He drove me to school where I met with Jinsu at the main entrance. He embraced me and well what do you know? He asked me to prom.
I told him I’d have an answer by the end of the day. It was 6th period now. I didn’t have much time.
I strode into class just as the bell rang and I hadn’t realized this was the period I had science. Mrs. Tran eyed me and grimaced. “Nice for you to join us, Miss Hernandez.”
I scoffed and slumped in my seat until class was over.
Mid-teaching, Mrs. Tran had to leave the classroom and in the time she was gone, I doodled my name and Chris’ in my notes. The heart was huge and animated with stars and flowers surrounding it. In the middle, I had drew in bubble letters Chris+Gia. When Mrs. Cullen came back she looked pissed and she told us to turn in our papers. I ripped the sheet from my notebook and turned it in. The bell rang for dismissal and I was beyond happy. I also didn’t wanna face Jinsu because I knew he’d want his answer.
“Hey beautiful,” Jin purred in my ear as I leaned against him on the bumper of his car.
“So…we going to prom or what?” he asked devilishly.
I smiled at him and before I answered, I looked around in search of Chris. He was sitting on the hood of his car, earphones in his ears and he was looking down at his notebook. I sighed and turned my attention back to Jin, who was waiting for a yes.
“You are but I’m not,” I told him honestly and opened the passenger door to his car. He followed me and shut the door in front of him. I glared at him, annoyed.
“Please?” He pleaded in a baby voice.
I pretended to think. “Hmm, no.”
He frowned. “Why not?”
I shrugged. “Why would I? Prom just isn’t…me. Can’t you just come over that night and we can just chill?”
“Gigi, prom is-“
“Prom doesn’t have to be some huge dance, Jin. Why can’t we just make a date at my house?”
He shook his head. He rolled his eyes and gaited towards his side of the car. He slammed the door and we drove in silence.
Why would Jinsu get so pissed about not going to prom?